Mental and Physical Health

Let's Talk About Lying (Part One)

Unbending the Truth

As a therapist, I often have parents bring their children to me, worried and upset because they’ve caught them lying. I understand—lying can be deeply troubling for us as parents. Yet the reality is that all kids lie at some point. We often think of obvious reasons like avoiding trouble or escaping chores, but there are deeper motivations, too. Understanding these reasons can help us guide our children toward honesty rather than reacting only with anger or punishment.¹

Understanding the Development of Lying in Children

Lying doesn’t just happen randomly. It evolves alongside a child’s development of mental, emotional, and social capabilities. Knowing where your child is developmentally can help you respond in a way that is age-appropriate and Christ-centered.³

Take a Look:

1. Early Childhood (Ages 2–4): Impulsive Denial
   At this young age, children are just beginning to understand the concept of truth versus falsehood. Lies are often impulsive and simple-“I didn’t take the cookie!”-even with crumbs on their face. They aren't plotting deceit; they are mainly trying to avoid displeasure. Their ability to distinguish fantasy from reality is still developing, and often "lies" are more wishful thinking than intentional deception.
2. Imaginative Phase (Ages 4–7): Blurred Lines Between Fantasy and Reality
   Preschool and early elementary-aged kids have wild imaginations. They might claim things like “I have a pet unicorn!” not because they intend to deceive but because imaginative storytelling feels real to them. It’s important to affirm creativity while also gently guiding them to understand when truth matters.
3. Rule Testing and Boundary Pushing (Ages 6–10): Conscious Lying for Specific Gains
   At these ages, cognitive skills are growing, and children understand the difference between truth and lies. They may intentionally begin to lie to avoid consequences or get something they want. They are testing rules and authority. They are also experimenting with their autonomy, which can sometimes involve falsehood.
4. Peer Pressure and Self-Image Concerns (Ages 10–13): Protecting Self-Identity
   Tweens and teens are especially sensitive to acceptance from peers. Lies at this age often stem from a desire to protect their social standing or avoid humiliation. They might lie to fit in due to their friends’ possible perception of them, and telling the truth can sometimes feel riskier than lying.
5. Moral Reasoning Development (Ages 13–18): Value-Based Decision Making
   As teens grow, they develop abstract thinking skills. Lying becomes less impulsive and more strategic, often justified to protect someone's feelings or manage social drama. At this stage, discussions about integrity and God's call to truth become especially important. Teens need to be reminded that living truthfully builds relationships and reflects God's own character of faithfulness and truth.

Important: Most of the time, lying will not be a long-term chronic issue. Keep in mind that there is some normality to lying throughout life. If over a 6-month period you notice symptoms in addition to chronic lying, such as aggression, defiance toward most authority, or antisocial behavior, that’s a good time to seek help from a professional. When we see it as something we are struggling to control, that’s a telltale sign that the kids are struggling to control it as well, and therefore a good time to seek out the guidance of a professional.⁴

Quick Guide: Developmental Stages of Lying

Age Range	Key Characteristics	Why They Might Lie
2–4 years old	Impulsive denial; fantasy vs. reality unclear	Avoid trouble; wishful thinking
4–7 years old	Highly imaginative; storytelling feels real	Exploring imagination; blending truth
6–10 years old	Clear understanding of truth; testing limits	Avoid punishment; gain advantage
10–13 years old	Sensitive to peer pressure; guarding self-image	Fit in socially; avoid embarrassment
13–18 years old	Developing personal morals; abstract reasoning	Protect feelings; manage complex situations

References

1. Williams, J., K. Leduc, A. Crossman, and V. Talwar. 2017. "Telling the Truth and Making It Stick: The Importance of Second-Order Beliefs." Developmental Psychology 53 (7): 1360–1371. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000339.
2. Evans, Angela D., and Kang Lee. 2019. "Emergence of Lying in Very Young Children." Developmental Science 22 (1): e12788. https://doi.org/10.1111/desc.12788.
3. Huckleberry. 2025. "Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do About It." Huckleberry Care. Accessed April 28, 2025. https://huckleberrycare.com/blog/why-kids-lie-what-parents-can-do.

Jessica Wojnarowski is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) at Emerge Counseling Ministries, where she is dedicated to helping individuals and families find healing through compassionate, faith-based care. She earned her Master of Arts in Counseling from Liberty University. Jessica has been married for 20 years and is a proud mom of four, drawing on both her professional training and life experience to support and guide those she serves.