Mental and Physical Health

Preventing Youth Suicide

Ignite Parenting is pleased to present this blog series for parents as you navigate you child’s mental and emotional health. This series, presented in partnership with the Assemblies of God Mental Health Committee, was created to help parents understand the importance of a child’s mental health and develop a supportive home where faith flourishes. Because spiritual development and emotional well-being are essential for both parents and children, we hope the information in these posts equips parents with the tools necessary to build a healthy, Christ-centered environment for their families.

Suicide has been found to be the second leading cause of death among youth aged 10-24 (CDC, 2023). About 22% of high school students seriously considered attempting suicide, 18% made a suicide plan, and 10% attempted suicide in 2021. High levels of family conflict and poor family functioning have been linked to elevated suicidal thoughts and behaviors in adolescents (Chen et al., 2023).

During part of my training to be a psychologist, I provided individual and family therapy services in a program dedicated to helping youth who had a history of self-harming behaviors and suicidal thoughts. I was surprised to find that in every single one of these cases, there was some type of challenge in the relationship between the parent and the adolescent. In some instances, parents were dismissing the adolescent’s feelings as trivial by making comments like, “You do not have anything to be sad about,” or “No one has time to be depressed.” In other cases, youth felt “misunderstood” by parents and felt very alone in their feelings. It took a suicide attempt and scars on their child’s arms for parents to realize that they were suffering emotionally.

It is important to note that often times youth have suicidal thoughts because they want to “escape” their emotional suffering. It is important to address the topic of suicide because often times youth think that the only way to really escape their sadness is by ending their life. As a parent, you have a special ability to validate your child’s feelings, affirm their identity, and remind your child that there are other ways to recover from sadness and depression. It is also important to note that your response to your child’s feelings will determine whether they will open up to you about deeper feelings with which they are struggling. Parents mistakenly invalidate their child’s feelings by saying, “That’s not a big deal,” or “Just shrug it off.” When this happens, children and youth receive the message that their feelings are silly.  This can contribute to guilt in addition to the sadness they are already experiencing. Signs that a young person might be depressed and at risk for suicide include a depressed mood, loss of interest in activities they typically enjoy, feelings of worthlessness, difficulty concentrating, and disruptions in appetite, sleep, and energy levels.

The Bible shares in 1 Kings 19:4-6 a story of Elijah and suicidal thoughts. Elijah, a prophet that was greatly used by God, experienced fear because Jezebel wanted to kill him after a great victory against the prophets of Baal. Elijah says, “I have had enough Lord…Take my life.” We see a clear example of how Elijah did not want to experience the feelings that he was struggling with, and he thought that leaving this life would make it better.

God’s response to Elijah provides an excellent example for how parents can respond to youth who are experiencing sadness. God sent an angel and provided bread baked over hot coals and water. God also let him sleep before telling him that it was time to eat again. Especially notable, God validated his feeling by telling him “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.”

God did not scold him for wanting to die or for feeling that way. God simply took care of him and encouraged him to keep going. It’s amazing how listening to someone, validating their feelings, and offering to help in some way can impact their emotions. God has chosen you to parent your adolescent in a way that models His careful parenting of us because He knows the positive impact you can have on your child’s feelings and decisions.

Communication is key when it comes to preventing youth depression and suicide. Youth need to be heard and seen in their pain. Sometimes the simple fact of knowing that they are seen and loved by their parents amidst their pain can reduce the risk of suicide (Diamond et al., 2022). 

Here are some practical tips:

1. Find a few minutes a day to check-in with your child and ask, “How was your day?” or “How are you feeling?” or “I can listen.” Sometimes listening is enough. You can ask whether they want to just be heard or if they want some advice about how to feel better. Sometimes it is one or the other; sometimes they might want both.
2. Talk about your own struggles with emotions and normalize how difficult feelings can be. Be careful not to make it all about you, but let them know that you have difficult feelings, too.
3. Seek therapy services for your child. Sometimes we think that prayer is the only remedy for depression and suicide risk. However, you can pray and seek support for your child as they learn to manage their feelings, just as you would pray and seek medical attention if your child was sick from a physical illness.
4. Monitor your child. Create a safety plan in which they can share warning signs, coping skills, and people to reach out to if they are having thoughts about not wanting to live anymore (Stanley & Brown, 2012). This will help you be aware of moments when they may need additional emotional support.
5. Practice some coping skills with your child that they can use when they are feeling sad, including using the “change in temperature” method, breathing, muscle relaxation, and physical exercise. You can read more about these DBT TIPP skills (Linehan, 2014). These skills help to relax their body and help to create positive emotions.

Ways to pray for your child:

1. Pray for God to open your eyes as a parent to notice any signs of your child struggling with sadness.
2. Pray for the Lord to comfort your child through His word and through the love that you are showing him or her.
3. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help your child understand God’s love for him or her and for their willingness to communicate about their emotional struggles.

Emotions are real and can be challenging. As a parent, providing an accepting and supportive environment for your child will make a huge difference. Continue praying for them and asking God for wisdom in approaching them, and don’t be afraid to seek support.

 

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023). Youth Risk Behavior Survey Data Summary & Trends Report: 2011–2021. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.cdc.gov/yrbs/dstr/pdf/YRBS_Data-Summary-Trends_Report2023_508.pdf

Diamond, G., Kodish, T., Ewing, E. S. K., Hunt, Q. A., & Russon, J. M. (2022). Family processes: Risk, protective and treatment factors for youth at risk for suicide. Aggression and violent behavior, 64, 101586. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1359178921000409?via%3Dihub

Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT (R) skills training handouts and worksheets, second edition (2nd ed.). Guilford Publications.

Stanley, B., & Brown, G. K. (2012). Safety planning intervention: A brief intervention to mitigate suicide risk. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 19(2), 256–264. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1077722911000630?via%3Dihub

Melissa Gutierrez, M.S.Ed, Pediatric Psychology Resident at Nicklaus Children’s Hospital

Melissa has a Master of Science in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Miami and is a doctoral candidate who will be obtaining her Ph.D. in psychology this year. She has provided individual and family therapy services to children and adolescents between the ages of 2-21 for about seven years. She has delivered therapy services to several youth who have engaged in self-harming behaviors and who have attempted suicide. Melissa is also an ordained minister with the Assemblies of God and has worked with several youth and families as an assistant pastor at her local church in Miami, Fl.