I was articulate, I was clear, and I spoke calmly while making eye contact; so why couldn\u2019t my son remember what I was asking him to do? Was it that he didn\u2019t care, or was it because the motivation of 12-year-old boys seems to steadily decline into the early teen years? Either way, nothing was working. My consequences, my motivational speeches, and my allowance of natural consequences to take place all fell short of helping my son complete his daily chores and tasks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What I wish I had known many years ago was the link between ADHD and something called working memory\u00b9. In simple terms, working memory is, in part, the information our brains retain for short amounts of time in order to perform certain tasks. This means that things such as remembering and performing multi-step instructions without losing track of what they were doing is incredibly difficult for those with impairments to their working memory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As a 2024 article from Child Mind Institute noted\u00b2, these lapses in working memory can often be interpreted as behavior problems. The article says, \u201cWhen they fail to follow a set of instructions they appear to be unmotivated or even oppositional which can lead to conflict with teachers and parents and accusations of not trying hard enough.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I began to understand working memory and its impact on children, especially those with ADHD, I suddenly realized that it wasn\u2019t that my son wouldn\u2019t do the things I had told him, it was that he couldn\u2019t; his brain was not capable of processing all of my instructions. When I was finally able to shift my understanding of his behaviors from \u201cwon\u2019t\u201d to \u201ccan\u2019t\u201d behaviors, I discovered that he needed understanding and some accommodations, not another lecture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I began to search for ways to help my son complete his daily tasks, I came across 1 Samuel 16:7 which says, \u201cGod does not see as man sees, since man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.\u201d As I read the words of this verse, I began to ask the Lord to help me look past the outward \u201cappearances\u201d of my son\u2019s behaviors and help me to see his heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While there are certainly times that misbehaviors need to be addressed and corrected, it is important that we also look beyond the behaviors, with the Lord\u2019s help, and look at the heart of our children to discover anything that may be contributing to the actions with which we have grown so frustrated. By doing this, we can offer tools to help our kids succeed instead of trying to correct things that they are not able to do on their own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Si eres un padre que tiene un hijo con TDAH u otro problema de aprendizaje y crees que tu hijo puede tener dificultades con la memoria de trabajo, considera la posibilidad de utilizar uno o m\u00e1s de los siguientes consejos\/trucos con tu hijo:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Every child is different, and it will take time of trial and error to discover what works for your child. Be patient, and don\u2019t give up. Ask the Lord to help you see the heart of your child and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you as you serve your family well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00b9 Neuropsychology. 2020 May 21;34(6):686\u2013698. doi:<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n