Kara Powell and Steven Argue begin Growing With by pinpointing the dilemma our kids face in the crucial season between 13 and 29 years of age: "On the one hand, our kids' sophistication has accelerated and it seems like they are getting older earlier; but on the other hand, they feel less mature as the typical markers of adulthood are now delayed." In other words the transition to adulthood begins earlier and lasts longer in this generation than in previous generations.
How we parent our children changes as they age. Powell and Argue define "Growing With parenting" as "a mutual journey of intentional growth for both ourselves and our children that trusts God to transform us all." Growing With helps Christian parents navigate those changes by describing three stages of development our kids go through.
En la etapa de «aprendices» (13–18 años), nuestros hijos entran en «una temporada de rápido crecimiento y cambio físico, emocional, relacional, intelectual y espiritual». Como padres, nuestro papel principal en esta etapa es el de «maestros», no en el sentido de decirles lo que tienen que hacer, sino en el sentido de «enseñanza centrada en el alumno.»
En la etapa de «exploradores» (18–23 años), nuestros hijos «a menudo se aventuran por primera vez fuera de casa o de las rutinas orientadas al hogar para perseguir sus metas, relaciones y creencias». Durante esta etapa, el papel principal de los padres es el de «guías», cambiando «el enfoque de nuestra crianza, que pasa de fijar objetivos para nuestros hijos a guiarles en el viaje de establecer sus propios objetivos».
Por último, en la etapa de los «centrados» (entre los 23 y los 29 años), nuestros hijos «comienzan a tener una idea más clara de quiénes son y probablemente hayan tomado decisiones educativas, vocacionales y relacionales que los coloquen en trayectorias particulares». Nuestro papel principal es el de «proveedores de recursos». Nuestros hijos acuden a nosotros en busca de consejos porque «hemos vivido los acontecimientos de la vida que ahora anticipan, incluidos el avance profesional, el matrimonio, la paternidad, el alquiler o la compra de una casa y las inversiones financieras».
As there changes occur, Powell and Argue urge parents to pay "special attention to three key areas of our child's exploration: family, faith, and freedom" [emphasis in original]. Parents who do so engage in what the authors call the three "dynamic verbs" of "withing," "faithing," and "adulting."
- Withing: a family's growth in supporting each other as children grow more independent"
- Faithing: "a child's growth in owning and embodying their own journey with God as they encounter new experiences and information"
- Adulting: "a child's growth in agency as they embrace opportunities to shape the world around them"
The unique contribution Growing With makes to the literature of Christian parenting is its detailed advice about what shapes withing, faithing, and adulting take in the learner, explorer, and focuser stages of our kids' lives, and how we should parent as a result. This advice take up the bulk of the book (chapters 3-8). In this review, I'm only focusing on the organizing framework. You'll have to read the book to get Powell and Argue's detailed advice.
Growing With is a valuable read for parents of adolescents and young adults. It describes the changes our kids are going through, and what kinds of major life choices they are beginning to make using a memorable vocabulary to describe both the changes and the choices. Throughout, the authors urge parents to keep the lines of relationships with our kids, open, even when — perhaps especially when — they begin to make choices we disagree with. In that vein, I wish the authors had provided clearer direction to Christian parents about kids and LGBT issues, which are a much bigger deal today than when most of us were growing up.
Termino citando tres declaraciones de actitud que los autores animan a los padres a repetirse a sí mismos:
- «Hoy intentaré estar en el lugar correcto en el momento correcto». Esto significa saber en qué etapa se encuentran tus hijos y qué papel debes asumir como padre en consecuencia.
- «Hoy permitiré que la gracia me dé valor para dar el siguiente paso con fidelidad».
- «Hoy tengo lo que se necesita para ser el/la mejor padre/madre para mi hijo».
It's never to late to be a better parent, and Growing With Nunca es tarde para ser un mejor padre, y Crecer Con ofrece valiosos consejos para criar mejor a nuestros hijos a medida que se convierten en adultos jóvenes.
Libro recomendado
Kara Powell and Steven Argue, Growing With: Every Parent's Guide to Helping Teenagers and Young Adults Thrive in Their Faith, Family, and Future (Grand Rapids, MI:Baker Books, 2019).